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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous challenges, and I respect her for that. However, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her husband ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Many of her social circle vanished during that time, as they were drawn to the spouse. She was stunned by her. She made increased attention in our friendship, and must have understood better the essence of true friendship.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many close to her have disappeared without her being sure why. Her last employer turned on her, although she was an excellent employee, her exit happened unaware of the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Lately, we have each stepped back from work leading to more time together, yet I realize my position in our friendship is to listen. I introduce topics of conversation and she changes them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she has firm beliefs. My effort is to recommend double-checking information or other angles.

She is planning a vacation to a nation I've visited on several occasions and lived in for a while. My intention was to offer advice, but this was not welcomed. She purely only wanted validation of her decisions. I recently come back from a month in that place she hopes to catch up, but I don't.

Considering the Choices

I don't want to act as a friend who cuts and runs without a word, yet I doubt she'll truly grasp the impact of her behaviour on my confidence. At this point, I am in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom the peaceful resolution we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of resolution takes courage and readiness for each of you.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step is to state how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing her how it leaves you feeling. There should be no dispute about this. What you feel are your feelings, after all. Step three involves requesting how the two of you will alter the dynamics in your relationship."

Consider she too has her own side, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will not say anything for half an hour."

It's wildly effective to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She could ignore all you say, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version about themselves they're unable to let go of since their identity relies on it being the only thing they've known. This is difficult because there's no easy route with these people, only cul-de-sacs. But she may initially present defensively then consider about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found an agreement, it will give you closure that you've been honest with her.